Insomnia�s been the bane of my existence for a long, long time. Sleeping is a nightly challenge, and it�s always tough, but sometimes are worse than others. In the week after my mom died, I barely slept. Once I returned to the Keys, I evened out a little, but the last couple of days have been bad again. Last night, I slept in 10-20 minute spurts, which I�ll bet added up to a total of about 2 hours sleep.

Right now, I�m not sure if I�m actually at a computer typing this, or if it�s another bizarre dream.

Every time I would fall asleep, I�d dream about things keeping me awake. The best was the dream where there were 5 or 6 random people in my bed, talking and giggling while I tried desperately to sleep. No matter how much I would yell or cry, the bed people wouldn�t understand - they would just act like I was an asshole who wouldn�t let them have their fun.

I dreamed I was late for class or something, and had to run through the streets.

I dreamed that while I was trying sleep, Shawn was letting a scary, bloated drunk stranger she claimed to know from long ago sleep on the floor. The stranger then vandalized our neighbor�s car.

I dreamed about Neal, only he looked completely different and was going by a different name. It was Neal, though.

I dreamed scary things, then woke up and heard noises and got freaked out. Shawn�s a wonderful roommate, but sometimes I really miss living with Neal, and feeling protected. I mean, the girl could kick some ass, I�m sure, but it just isn�t the same.

I�m so tired, I feel sick. Actually nauseated. If I hadn�t used up all my sick days for my mom�s funeral, I�d be home right now.

Coffee will help me make it through today. But tonight, I�m going to do something I�ve never done before. After work, I�m going to go to the store and buy some sort of sleeping pill � Tylenol PM or whatever. I�ll try to make myself stay up until after Tae Kwon Do, then I�m popping that sucker at 8 p.m.

I hate to do it. It feels like I�m giving up, like I�m admitting that the insomnia is getting the better of me and damn it, I need help.

But damn it, I need help.

I can�t keep going like this. I almost clipped Shawn�s car on the way to work this morning, because I zoned out. I look like shit.

Here�s to Slumberland, where I hope to go tonight.