It started with the bathroom sink. That NEVER drained well, from the day Neal and I moved into the apartment. We always just ignored it, because really, how often do you use the bathroom sink? Brush your teeth, wash your hands, big deal. Neither takes up much water so it was never a huge problem, just a small nuisance.

Then, the bathtub started backing up. Not all the time. We just figured it was my big long hair building up in there.

But ever since Shawn�s moved in, it seems like every other week, I�m showering while ankle-deep in nasty, soap scum soup.

Neal can fix it, somehow, magically. He just did it when he came down a couple weeks ago to pack up some of his stuff � he went in there with a plunger and a big metal spoon, and voila! Bye-bye nasty water.

When it backed up last week, I was determined that I could do it myself. �I don�t need no stinkin� MAN!� I thought defiantly. First, I attacked it with the only plunger Shawn and I have � this wussy, mini little thing affectionately known as �The Pluh.� No dice. I pondered the problem again yesterday during my shower, while looking down at my feet. Couldn�t see �em, because they were submerged in the Jamie-Dirt Bog.

Last night, when I got back from Tae Kwon Do and Shawn got back from tennis, we were both sweaty and gross and desperate for a cool, refreshing shower. I had poured an insane amount of this crazy acid down the drain before I left, inhaling some fumes in the process that just about knocked me on my ass. Man, I�m going to miss those brain cells.

Anyway, when we peered into the drain, we realized we had a problem. The acid hadn�t even drained. So now we had a backed up drain combined with a tub that could potentially melt the skin right off our feet. Shawn poured some heavy duty crystal Liquid Plumber down there � dangers of mixing chemicals be damned! We were on a plumbing mission, and would face death to achieve our goal� to be able to shave our legs! While I plunged, I noted to Shawn that there were some mysterious white flakes floating around that didn�t look like soap.

We both decided to just sleep dirty, to let the chemical cocktail burn right through whatever the hell was blocking the drain. (What the hell WAS blocking the drain, anyway? I�m going to have to ask Shawn if she�s been exfoliating with cement or something.) Of course, when I awoke this morning, I was faced with a couple of new problems.

The acid was gone, but there was a large ring of crust and dirt surrounding the drain. When I looked down the hole, I could still see liquid � probably the acid. For more fun, I turned around and checked out the sink, where Shawn had poured some of the crystals. The sink was half full of blue water, with a crystal crust covering the rest of the surface. As an added bonus, I needed to be at work within the hour, and after last night�s martial arts sweat fest, skipping the shower wasn�t an option.

I put on some coffee and got to work just scrubbing out what I could from the surface of the sink. As I did that, I realized what those white flecks were. We had burned off the actual surface of the tub. Heartened, I finished scrubbing and turned off the water, thinking that if the acid ate the actual tub, it had to have cut through the clog.

I was very, very wrong. I spent the entire shower, ankle-deep, paranoid that I could feel acid and chemicals eroding my toes. When I finished and went to dry off, I prayed that when I pulled my feet out of the water, they�d still be around, and I wouldn�t just see a couple of bloody stumps at the end of my legs.

My feet are intact, I�m pleased to report.

Anyone know a good plumber?