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JamieStar: Friend To Buzzards Everywhere
I did a good deed yesterday.*

You know how Shawn works downstairs? Well, I was headed down to visit her when I noticed her cowering by her door. It turns out she was on her way to the 1st floor bathroom when a very large, injured turkey vulture came sprinting at her. The poor birdie was still hanging around the back of the first floor when I came downstairs, so I called the Keys Wild Bird Center to come to the rescue, and blocked its path outside in the meantime. It nervously paced back and forth, bobbing its head and dragging its broken wing along the tile floor. While we waited, Shawn and I anticipated a big dramatic struggle as the volunteers would try to capture the wild, injured, frightened bird with a big sharp beak, but it turned out to be pretty anticlimactic… They just plunked a towel over its head, lifted the bird into a cage, and drove away.

I called later to find out how my little buddy was doing. Turns out, despite appearances, the wing wasn’t broken, just scratched on the inside. They should let it go this weekend. I’d like to visit my feathered friend, but I will be SO out of town.

I don’t know, though. It was nice to see that bird up close and give it a hand. Sometimes I think I’m starting to get entirely too jaded.

Here’s an example.

Earlier this week, I was at the grocery store doing a little grub shopping. I was a little tired, because I’d just gotten out of Tae Kwon Do. I was looking for one last thing – multi-grain Cheerios. But I couldn’t seem to find the bastards. So while I scanned the cereal aisle, all of a sudden this piercing noise blares out of nowhere. It was some sort of alarm, loud enough to hurt my head. I wished it would stop and continued looking for the damn Cheerios.

After it finally stopped, about 8 minutes later, a manager gets on the store loudspeaker and announces, “Sorry about that, shoppers. Just wanted you to know that there is NOT a fire in the building. Once again, sorry for the disturbance.”

It hadn’t occurred to me, until that very moment, that there could have been a fire in the building. Can you believe that? I’m in a public place, an alarm rings out persistently, loud enough for me to wish I had some eardrum armor, and I make vague notice and keep searching for the Cheerios.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I’ll tell you something wrong with me right now. I’m all sorts of beat up. At Tae Kwon Do last night, my friend Christy and I just kicked the crap out of each other. First came sparring drills, where it was like getting a Charlie horse in your damn arm every time a punch got blocked. During that drill, our instructor actually came around and encouraged us to punch each other harder. Next, Bloody Psycho, I mean, our instructor, told us to put our arms behind our back, hold them there, then try to kick each other. Man, that was funny. We were all hopping around, laughing, and kicking like a sadly amputated Michael Flatley. Then we sparred, just using our hands to block, not hit. Man. We really did pound the snot out of each other. I literally almost broke my foot when I kicked Christy's elbow, and there's an extremely sore spot on my right arm.

Two days until I leave for Vegas.

*You can do a good deed, too! Go here and read all about it. Easy peasy.

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