4/5 - Notes From Seat 19D: Ft. Lauderdale to Detroit.

Man. It's hot then cold then hot in here. Kind of like Ohio, actually. I hope what I packed is okay - you never know with that place. I froze my ass off at my sister's graduation. I'm so excited to see Neal, I hope I'm going to be able to sleep on this flight.

What the hell is that lady holding? It's moving! What is it?
Oh, it's just a baby. I see the diaper bag.

I have to pee, and I'm unreasonably bored. I don't understand why descent takes so damn long.

You should see the couple next to me. They're about a billion years old. They've been murmuring soothing things to each other for the past three hours. You can tell they've been together forever, and they're still mad about each other. When they talk, it's obvious that they're so in tune to each other, they've developed their own lexicon. Her eyes are the only ones visible to me, but they're positively shining whenever she looks at him. They're old, wrinkled, and full of love for each other.

God, how I loathe them.

I'm on my way to see Neal, who I love a lot, but our relationship is currently a mess. Why, oh why, do I have to be seated next to the most adorable couple in the world? Why? Is that fair, huh?

Oh, look. He's massaging her hand now. "Look at us! We're 112 years old and we've always trusted each other and our love is perfect and enduring!" Bah.

4/5 - Notes From Seat 14F: Detroit to Columbus.

Neal once made the astute observation that while karma eventually comes around for everyone, my bad karma seems to whip around and bitchslap me at light speed. I make a snarky remark, I trip and fall on my face less than one minute later. I punch Neal in the arm, and when I pull my arm back, I smack my elbow on the wall. I mock a visitor, and the cat immediately moseys by and swipes a claw at my ankle. Here from my vantage point at 14F, I'm smack in the middle of an instant karma buttkicking.

I want the old couple back.

Here's the current seating arrangement: window, woman with infant, her husband, aisle, me, woman with HER infant, HER husband, window. Now, I barely qualify as female, I'm so NOT maternal. But even MY ovaries flinched a little when I sat down.

I switched seats to be here, too. With Husband #1. So all the couples and babies and Cheerios and drool could be together. I'm a prince among men, I swear.

And so tired of familial bliss, I'm even more excited to see Neal and do a whole mess of things that qualify as completely unwholesome.

Post Trip Update: I found a single Cheerio in my carry-on while at Neal's. Those bastards put it there on purpose. I'm sure of it.