I looked at my calendar this morning, and realized my gynecologist appointment is this Wednesday, and I finished this month's pills Saturday night. For those of you who have a wang or have never been on The Pill, that means I'm supposed to start... oh, any second now. However. I'm always late and even The Pill doesn't have the power to make a cycle as erratic as mine regular. So there's a chance I won't start until Thursday, but I thought I'd better call Dr. K's office just in case I need a quick backup appointment.
Note: Usually, they can prescribe me the pill 3 months in advance. Last month, I ran out and tried to fill the prescription for my usual 3 months, and was told that I needed to see the doctor again before I could get the 3 month deal, and she could only give me one month at a time. Fine.
Me: "...So I thought I'd better call and get first in line for a re-schedule, just in case."
Crazy Woman: "OK, who's your doctor?"
Me: "Dr. K."
Her: "Oh, dear. We won't be able to get you a new appointment until March."
Me: "Damn. Well, I guess I'd better refill my prescription now then, just in case."
Time to look up my info... it's not updated, because I haven't had an appointment since September 2000.
Her: "OK, you haven't had an appointment since September 2000."
Me: "That's right. I tried to schedule an annual checkup in October for November, but was told I'd have to call back in January, because Dr. K is booked that far ahead. So that's what I did, and the best I could do was January 16th."
Her: "Hmmm. OK. Well, this is the last time I can give you a refill until you have an appointment."
Me: "But... if I CAN'T have an appointment this week, I have to wait until March to reschedule."
Her: "That's right."
Me: "But... Okay. If I CAN'T have my appointment this week, that means this prescription runs out in the middle of February. What am I supposed to do between then and whenever my new March appointment would be?"
Her: "Um. Hmm. Well. Well, just try to keep your appointment this week, OK?"
Me: "Well, I'll TRY to HOLD BACK the FLOW, but there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it."
Her: "I know, honey! Just try to make it this week! Okay, bye!"
So apparently now, I'm supposed to concentrate really hard on NOT BLEEDING.
The kicker of it is, this whole mess is just because Dr. K is so good. For years, I had horrible, horrible periods, treated by horrible, horrible doctors.
And I would tell these doctors about these horrible, horrible periods, and they would just kind of brush me off, like this was normal, my hair shirt to wear or something. Like, everyone gets cramps, you big baby.
Dude. It's not healthy to vomit every month. It's not normal that no matter what position you're in, there isn't even the slightest relief of the searing, tight stomach pains. Most women really shouldn't ever have pain and nausea so bad they miss school or work, let alone 1 or 2 days each month.
And Dr. K was the first person who actually tried to help me, instead of just staring impatiently until I was finished, and then recommending a fucking heating pad or something. Sometimes it was worse than that... when I finished, they'd try to turn it around on me. I always got the feeling Dr. Jerkface thought I was making it all up for attention.
So these birth control pills, prescriped for the first time by Dr. K, are the first thing that has ever helped me. Now I might have a lapse. Sometimes, it just sucks to be a girl.
A few minutes later, I got another phone call, confirming that Dr. K is a great doctor stuck with help as effective as a tube of K-Y. Seriously, he might as well let the stirrups answer the phone.
The same nurse called me at work and informed me that the pharmacy where I've been getting my pills for over a year... no longer carries them? Ran out? I don't know what the hell her argument was.
I suggested two alternative pharmacies. She told me she didn't have either of my alternative pharmacy's phone number, and put me on hold. Three minutes later, she picks back up, all, "Uh, were you looking up that number, or what?"
I can't believe there isn't a phone book, or a list of pharmacies, in that office. It's a doctor's office, people.
As soon as I got off the phone, I typed out a list of all the local pharmacies and their contact information. I'm gong to make about 15 copies and give it to the doctor when I FINALLY see him, to help run his office run a little more smoothly.
In the meantime, think... um, you know... not bleeding thoughts for me.
