Friday, I fly to Ohio. My first visit since the funeral in July. While I of course knew on a logical level that my mom would no longer be there, Monday night when I was driving home from Tae Kwon Do, her absence sank in, and I achieved emotional level.

So I�m tearing down the road, crying.

I pull in front of a pickup truck as I switch to the left lane to pass a vehicle going so slow, I�m certain that it was powered by squirrels running in a wire wheel. I don�t cut off the pickup - there is plenty of room. But the driver apparently thinks I did, because he pulls 4 millimeters from my back bumper and switches on his lights.

So I�m tearing down the road, crying and getting mad.

But I never give those kinds of assholes the satisfaction of a reaction, so I just keep chugging along at the same speed, then switch back into the right lane as soon as I�m past the Squirrel-Powered Wondermachine. Asshole in the pickup follows me, maintaining his breathlessly intimate proximity to my back bumper. He�s following me. In fact, he�s practically giving me an enema.

So I�m tearing down the road, crying, angry, and getting scared.

I have to get into the left lane and then turn left, going through a median and crossing the opposite lanes, in order to get to my neighborhood. I signal, ease into the fast lane, and slow down, crossing my fingers and hoping that he doesn�t follow me home to beat me up or kick my cat or deflate my basketball or something. Fortunately, he drives by, screaming profanities at me out of his window as he shoots past.

So I�m turning into my �hood, crying, angry, but really, really relieved.

The moral of the story?

Behind the wheel is not the place to lose your shit. For all of you that proudly and smugly shout �I have road rage!� from the mountaintops� I wonder if you realize how stupid you look when something as trivial as another driver having the gall to drive faster than you gets you unhinged? How pathetic does someone have to be to react to a conflict on the road by instantly giving the culprit the power, by choosing to react so immaturely and irrationally? I mean, is your life so empty that you need minute-doses of pseudo-drama with strangers to add some excitement to your day? How terribly, terribly sad.

So, the other moral of the story? Next time you flip out and act like a jackass over some little traffic thing, remember that the person you�re raging on may have just reached a new level of acceptance relating to the death of a parent, okay?

Maybe that will help you road rage losers get some perspective.