I don't know where I picked it up, but it is so fun.

Receptionist: "Jamie, do you want to order lunch?"

Me: "I already ate, bitch."

Neal: "Bye honey, I'll miss you today."

Me: "I'll miss you, too, bitch."

I almost called my boss "bitch" last night. That would not have been good.

Me: "I'm so fired, bitch."

I filled in and co-hosted one of our talk shows last night. It was quite fun, and my boss and I hung out and mingled for a while afterward.

We met this woman who was incredibly fun and outspoken and cool. I loved her. We made plans to get together next week and everything.

Anyway, one of her friends came over, and she introduced me as my boss's girlfriend.

I was mortified. I have not idea where she got that idea. We weren't touching or really even talking to each other that much. In fact, my boss makes me feel a little awkward, and I'm the opposite of my usual flirty self around him. Neal says it's not a big deal, but it just embarrassed the hell out of me. He has a wife and kids, for cripe's sake!

Anyway.

Will you guys do me a favor?

You: "Why should we, Jamie?"

Me: "Well, I thought you wouldn't mind."

You: "Why would you think that? Do we not have jobs and families and friends and lives to live, too?"

Me: "No, I know. I'm not saying that. It's just, you know, I write this stuff for you all to read, and I thought we could be a little interactive."

You: "YOU write this stuff for US, huh? Like you're making some big sacrifice, huh? Well, aren't you Mother Fucking Theresa."

Me: "That's not what I meant!"

You: "But that's what you said. You know what? Don't do me any favors. I'm taking Jamiestar off of my bookmarks right now. Look, see? You're off. Gone."

Me: "Man. You're going to make me cry."

You: "That's right, bitch."

You stinkers.

Whew! So anyway, here's the favor. It stems from 2 events.

#1. Neal and I got good news! He was currently working under contract, and today, he got his permanent job offer. He starts the 22nd, and it's a nice offer... he didn't even have to bargain.

#2. The other big thing that's happening is that one of my best buddies, Shannon, is moving across the country to L.A. She's somewhere near Colorado right now, and I am positively estatic for her. But she's scared and nervous. So I thought it would be nice if some kinds words were waiting for her once she's arrived in sunny California.

So would you guys drop them each an e-card? Go here or here or wherever you want. Send Neal congratulations and send Shannon "good luck" or other encouragement, if you can find the time to drop them a line.

They both know about JamieStar, so just tell 'em you're a stranger but a reader, and they'll know where it's coming from.

Thanks.

You're the best, bitches.