I’m almost speechless, but not quite. Ha!

What with my deathly illness and the kitty tragedy, I’ve skipped over some stories I’ve been wanting to tell you. Yeah, I’m writing about my weekend on a Thursday. What of it, huh?

I spent most of the weekend in a DayQuil + head cold induced fog. I quite literally felt stoned for a good chunk of the time. And, as I mentioned in the forum, the DayQuil gives me a runny mouth as well as a runny nose, meaning, I completely lost the ability to censor myself. I can’t remember all the gross and/or personal things I revealed to Neal this weekend before I could stop myself, but I know several had to do with puking and tampons. That poor kid.

I think part of the reason I stayed sick for so long is because every time I started to feel better, I’d jump off the couch or bed and tackle a project. I can be lazy as a coffee cup any time except for when I’m sick, apparently. Then, when I was done with whatever I’d tried to do, I felt dizzy and crappy and would have to go lie down for 4 hours. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The best of these projects was my trip to the Crackpipe Kmart. I call it that because it’s so very ghetto. Commercial development, especially chain stores, is not encouraged here in the Keys. No nice Super K for us, nuh-uh. We get Crackpipe Kmart, where the selection sucks, but don’t worry... it doesn’t suck as bad as the service! I was on a quest for paint, a kitty bed, and other odds and ends.

I know my sense of direction sucks already. But Crackpipe Kmart seems to magnify the problem. It takes about 10 seconds for me to get lost in that store when I’m NOT sick and stoned. So I’m wandering around Kmart in a mucusy fog. I think I’m looking for wastebaskets when all of a sudden I’m in the middle of this area with flashing blue lights over head and this cheesy techno music pumping out of the speakers. Positive I’m hallucinating, I squint to make out a red-vested employee so he can lead me back to the land of tacky, over-priced Martha Stewart products. The employee I’m looking to for guidance all of a sudden grabs a microphone and starts shouting into it.

“YOYOYO. WELCOME TO KMART, NICE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. AT THIS TIME, WE ARE CONDUCTING A BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL. THAT’S RIGHT, Y’ALL. BLUE LIGHT SPEICAL IN AISLE 9. TWO LITERS OF COCA-COLA NORMALLY PRICED AT $1.39, ON SALE FOR 39 CENTS! GET YOUR BOOTIES OVER HERE AND PICK SOME UP, LADEEEEES AND GENTLEMEN!”

Holy shit. I’m in Club Blue Light. People bum-rush me, grabbing for Coke, while I whimper and snivel and try to escape. There’s carts filled with sub-standard consumer products being pushed by shaggy people in battered Hawaiian shirts all around me. All I could think to myself is, “All I want is some wastebaskets and a cat bed. That’s all. Wait. Oh, God. I’m the biggest dork ever.”

Except for DJ K-Marty-Mart. I couldn’t help but snicker to myself when I could hear him trying to get all the other employees pumped for the big close-out. He acted really disappointed when they weren’t properly “psyched,” and then grabbed the loudspeaker to command ALL EMPLOYEES ON DA FLOOR to join him in Aisle 9. I left before I could see them huddle up, but I’ll bet when the Red Vest Brigade gets together, it’s a par-tay.

I escaped, but barely and with the wrong texture of paint. After several rejections, Miss Budina actually likes her new kitty bed. When she’s curled up in it, it looks like she’s lounging in a little Jacuzzi, so it’s been dubbed “The Kitty Hot Tub.”

Painting Update: Has come to a stall what with sickitty depression, but we still have momentum and are sure we’ll pick it back up this weekend.

Harry Potter Trivia Update: Fucking Neal is up 2 games to 1. But we’re in the middle of a game where we’re both in the final round, so I’m going to try to tie it back up in the next couple of days. Never fear.

Thanks again, everyone. I can't say it enough. Much love.