If it wasn�t my internet connection, it was my computer. If it wasn�t my computer, it was my crazy schedule. As of right now, the score is:

Jamie vs. Internet Connection � Jamie�s Win.
Jamie vs. Schedule � Jamie�s Win.
Jamie vs. Computer � Computer Takes It.

Apparently, my surge �protector� failed to do just that, and I�ve blown up one bit of the box or another, depending on whom you ask. I hope I find time to get it taken care of this week.

Oh, I forgot one battle:

Jamie vs. More Cancer � Cancer�s ahead, but we�ll see how this match turns out.

I�m doing the �holding my head high,� thing, because the family has once again gotten some crap news. I have two grandparents left � my mom�s dad, and my dad�s mom. In the span of a single week, both of them were diagnosed with cancer. Neither of them are in that perky, �It�s only the in the beginning stages and I can FIGHT it,� area, either. They�re both pretty far along.

How fair is that?

So, I went through several reactions.

I started out feeling very sad and blue. That lasted about a day and a half.

Next, I sort of snickered every time I thought about it. That probably sounds cold and horrible, but I explain: It�s ridiculous, people! Ridiculous! I just lost my mom this summer, and now I feel like I�m the verge on losing at least one but possibly two grandparents � and why? Because of CANCER! Again, cancer! That�s just stupid, okay? It�s not really happening. It�s a joke, and it�s funny. Snicker, snicker. My job is going to stop believing me, and start responding to my time-off requests with, �Jesus, Jamie. If you want a day off, just tell us. Quit making up all these family members with cancer. Or at least come up with something more creative� if we�re going to listen to your crap excuses, we�d like a little variety here. Bypass surgery, Alzheimer�s, MS, skydiving accident involving a faulty parachute� something other than CANCER, for Pete�s sake. You�ve blown that horn enough.� The inappropriate snickering lasted about three days, and still occasionally pops up.

And then I started to get mad. And a little paranoid, like a stoner unable to console himself with a pan of brownies.

First, it was the universe. A Curse! My family has been hit by a Cancer CURSE! I need a witch doctor, post-haste!

Then, I reached another level of paranoia � what if it�s ME? What if everyone I care about is doomed to die from cancer? STOP READING THIS! YOU COULD BE NEXT! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN! I�m the King Midas Of Tumorville.

The paranoia has subsided, but the anger is still there. I�m doing that thing where I just mash everything down and smile and look pretty and be loud a lot, because I don�t know what else to do.

At least I have some great stories to tell you guys. I�ve been writing the entire time I was away from the journal, and hope to post most of the stuff this coming week. But I don�t want you guys to think me callous in the face of grief � this stuff happened and was written pre-diagnoses. And maybe it�ll cheer me up to share them with you, so� Don�t judge me, okay?

Just because I�m funny doesn�t mean I�m not sad. Or angry. Or paranoid. It really depends on what time it is and how much coffee I�ve had.