The bonus is� our upstairs neighbor and his new, live-in Bitch Girlfriend (BGF) who have been antagonizing us for several months have to move out! The new owner � a girl just a few years older than us � and her friend are moving into their apartment. This rules on several levels. First, I�ve always wanted to get to know the new owner better � she�s lived down the street, and we always say we should hang out, but never do.
Second, the BGF really sucks. It�s all about The Parking. Our driveway holds four cars � two up front, and two behind them. There�s also space for a car parallel to the street at the edge of the yard. Usually, Shawn parks there and I park in the driveway, because when one is behind the other, we always end up blocking each other in. I don�t know or care how Upstairs Neighbor and BGF do it.
I think the origin of the parking problem was actually the fault of Co-Host Kim. Soon after BGF moved in, before I even got to say hello, Kim came over after our talk show to discuss a problem with her personal life. She parked in the space for BGF�s car, next to mine. But by the time I realized it, Kim was already in my living room, spilling her guts and very, very upset. I didn�t have the heart to interrupt her and tell her to move her car, so I figured if the neighbor came home, we�d just go move Kim�s car, or she�d ask us to. No big deal.
Well, the neighbor blocked Kim in. When Kim (unknown to me) went upstairs to see if she�d move it, I guess things got a little tense. Okay, a lot tense, because the next thing I know, Kim was tearing down the road with BGF screaming, �BITCH!� after her. I was afraid to introduce myself after that.
Oh, did I mention Kim and Shawn are both blond, and both drive black Accords? I think BGF just assumed they were the same person, and has been a passive-aggressive pain in the ass since. Shawn and Jamie vs. BGF!
Every time I come home, she vacuums. I don�t know what she thinks she�s doing, because the place is freaking concrete � at worst, it�s a quiet hum downstairs. I can hear her smacking the vacuum against furniture, but again, it translates is soothing thuds. Edge: Shawn and Jamie
She tried to feed my cat. I can�t tell you how pissed off this made me, because it was followed by another neighbor implying that we don�t feed her. Dude, she was so fat we put her on a diet. Even so, she�s an 80% outdoor cat � she pretty much just comes inside to eat, cool down, and get some loving. That�s just the way Miss Budina was built. But shortly after BGF moved in, a bowl of food appeared on OUR porch. Of course, it was promptly filled with ants. I waited for BGF�s ass to fucking clean up that mess, and if she put out another bowl to be turned into an edible ant farm, she was going to receive a strongly worded note, yessirree. She never put out more food. Edge: Shawn and Jamie
(BGF works in a local pharmacy. One time, when Shawn and I saw her there, I walked by loudly saying, �Well, we�d better buy some CAT FOOD! I mean, if it wasn�t for some stranger putting bug-infested food on the porch, our cat won�t have eaten for WEEKS! We�re so forgetful, what with not feeding OUR OWN CAT!�)
However, much to my chagrin, Miss Budina will still occasionally hang out on their porch. Edge: BGF.
BGF is just MEAN. I heard her once screeching, �Get the FUCK in the house!!� I don�t know who or what she was addressing, and was afraid to find out. She�s extremely rude and crabby. So of course, since I�m a little shit, every time I see her as I leave for work, I smile brightly and say, �Good morning!� in my most chipperbitch voice. She always, always looks shocked that I address her in a friendly manner (as her rude ass would be), then just kind of grunts or nods or something. Edge: Jamie and Shawn.
They are really touchy and out of control on the parking issue. I don�t even know what they�re talking about half the time. A couple of weekends ago, Shawn and I did our typical � hang out together all weekend, and go swimming or boating or dancing. In and out, but with each other and always aware of who�s in our apartment, making sure the damn driveway isn�t blocked. (Because, yes. After all their meanness, I still try to be a good neighbor and stay out of their way. It�s a disease.) After this weekend of fun, relaxation, and non-driveway-blocking, I walked by my car on Sunday afternoon and noticed a small slip of paper under my windshield wiper. It said, in crooked printing, �Please Don�t Block Our Driveway.� Uh, what? I was there all weekend. The damn driveway was wide open. Someone needs a new dose of Lithium. I threw the note away and gave their front steps the finger. Edge: Jamie and Shawn.
They have the smaller apartment. Edge: Jamie and Shawn.
Our cat smells better than their dog. Edge: Jamie and Shawn.
THEIR ASSES HAVE TO MOVE OUT AND WE DON�T. Big Fat Edge: JAMIE AND SHAWN.
