So, The Seven Mile Bridge Run. It was this past Saturday. I trained for only about 6 weeks beforehand, and never ran before that.
I kicked some pretty juicy ass.
Quick details about the race: They shut down a middle Keys bridge from 7 to 9 a.m. each year, and accept 1500 runners. I always thought it would be a cool thing to do, but never got around to doing that running part of it. This year, I finally did, my application was accepted, and I got my number Friday night, with the race Saturday morning. Lucky number 219, or whatever.
To fully tell you the story of The Seven Mile Bridge Run, I have to start a couple of days before. The race began at 7 a.m., about one hour from my house. That means I had to get up at about 5 a.m., because I had to shower and eat breakfast (ick). So I mentioned to Shawn that not only would I not be going out with her Friday night, but I kinda sorta needed her to keep it down. Not that she's particularly loud or anything, but I just wanted to warn her. She was cool with it.
Except for one minor detail. See, Shawn hasn't really gotten any action for a while. She's been a little crabby, to be perfectly honest. And her 8th Grade Boyfriend (hee!) was coming in to town that night, all grown up. It was some kind of weirdo coincidence, that the only night she'd bring some tail home since she lived with me just happened to be the night I needed her to put a sock in it.
I went to sleep that night and woke up early as hell after a minor spat with the snooze button. As I walked, half-asleep, to the bathroom, I noticed that the TV was on. (Shawn sleeps on a futon in the living room. We're white trash, shut up.) I figured she must have passed out with the TV on, so in my itty bitty nightie, I padded into the living room, eyeing the futon to see if there was a boy in there. There was. And as I bent down to turn off the TV, I noticed he was looking at me.
Me: "Hi."
8th Grade Boyfriend: "Hi."
TV: "Click." As I turned it off.
I got all the way into the shower and was washing my hair as I realized that 8th Grade Boyfriend was probably watching the stupid TV, seeing as how he was awake and all, and like a big bitch, I turned the sucker off and waltzed out of the room.
When I got out of the shower, Shawn was up. We giggled about me and the TV, and then she offered to make me breakfast, seeing as how she was drunk and awake. I accepted, and then had to choke it down. I hate eating that early in the morning. I pulled on my new running shorts that say "Wildcat" across the butt, and took off.
In the car on the way to the race, I realized I was quite late. In fact, I wouldn't arrive at the bridge until about 9 minutes before the starting gun was to go off at 7 a.m. So of course, I began to speed like a maniac. As soon as I got into the general vicinity, I parked in a parking space not meant for my car, delicately scraping the bottom on the concrete. Other runners stared.
I was about a mile away from the starting line, so I started walking fast. As I did so, I noticed something kind of weird. Even though the race was scheduled to start momentarily, no one else appeared to me in a hurry.
Jamie's Brain: "Ah, well. It is the Keys."
When I approached the start, there were still tons of runners in line for the bathroom, getting massages, or whatever. I thought this was REALLY weird, but I shrugged my shoulders and got in line to take a leak.
Me: "What time is it?"
Guy Behind Me: "7:10."
Me: "Isn't this thing supposed to start at 7?"
Guy: "No. They close the bridge at 7, and the race starts at 7:30."
My eyes widened, and I think I think my brain actually started hyperventilating.
My Brain: "Oh, motherfuck. I was worried I wouldn't finish the 7 miles in two hours, and I only have an hour and a half."
Nonetheless, I was stretched out and ready to roll at the starting line at 7:29, like a good little runner girl.
And I honestly wasn't going to leave you with a cliffhanger, but I just looked at the time and realized it's time for me to make like a tree. We have NYC firefighters on my talk show tonight, and I'm supposed to be on the beach 40 minutes ago, ready to meet and greet.
Tomorrow: Running. And pain. So very much pain.
