Me: "Hello?"

Neal: "Hey, baby."

Me: "Hi! How was your day?"

Neal: "Really, really good. Wanna hear that funny story I emailed you about?"

Me: "Yeah."

Neal: "Okay. First, I have to give you some background. My building is brand new, and huge. Seriously, it's like a quarter-mile across."

Me: "Hey, good! Maybe you'll actually get some exercise!"

Neal: "True, but it sucks for my blown knee."

Me: "Oh, yeah."

Neal: "The building has 2 cafeterias, a Starbucks, and a gym. It's great. But it's also a little weird around here for me so far. I went to orientation this morning, and that was fine. But they haven't yet filled the position of my immediate manager, and everyone here is CRAZY busy. So I didn't really have anyone to show me what to do, so after orientation, I was bored."

Me: "Did you go to lunch with anyone?"

Neal: Yeah, a nice guy. After that, they just kind of left me, and I headed to my pubicle, but-"

Me: "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Neal: "HA HA HA HA HA!"

Me: "I can't believe you just said 'pubicle'!"

Neal: "I can't believe I just said 'pubicle'!"

Me: "Tee hee hee. What kind of Freudian slip is THAT?"

Neal: "I miss your giggle. Anyway, that's not even the story. So all afternoon, I�m totally alone in my cube, and it�s empty, because I hadn�t gotten my laptop yet. No computer, no nothing. And I have nothing to do until 4 p.m., when this guy is supposed to take me around and introduce me to a bunch of important people. So I�m sitting there.�

Me: �And sitting there.�

Neal: �Right. I�ve read all my orientation manuals and stuff. Hell, I read EVERYONE�s manuals, even the people in different departments. I was so bored. So I decide to hike the 5 miles across the building to Starbucks and get a coffee, to kill time.�

Me: �What about your knee?�

Neal: �It was okay. When I get there, the guy is closing up, and I don�t want to force him to make a whole new coffee, so I just grabbed a Frappuccino. When I walked back to my desk, I shook it, up and took a sip. You know how I shake drinks really hard?�

Me: �Oh, no.�

Neal: �Wait till you hear. After I took one sip, I set it down and didn�t put the lid on. Not thinking, I reach for it, and shake it again. HARD.�

Me: �Oh, my God.�

Neal: �Jamie, I shook the entire drink, minus a single sip, directly into my own face. It was all over the cubicle, all over my clothes. I had Frappuccino DRIPPING from my HAIR. And the cubicle is completely empty � nothing.�

Me (between hysterical laughter): �What did you DO?�

Neal: �Thank God I had a pullover. I mopped up most of it with that, and I had a handkerchief in my pocket, so I used that on my hands and face. I was happy then that I DIDN�T have a computer � I probably would have ruined the keyboard.�

Me: �You�re still the youngest person I�ve ever seen carry handkerchiefs, but I have to admit, those suckers do come in handy.�

Neal: �No kidding. Anyway, I can�t do anything about the big wet coffee spots on my pants.�

Me: �What color pants?�

Neal: �The grey ones.�

Me: �Way to go. You don�t wear black pants for once in your life, and you take an iced coffee shower.�

Neal: �So now I�m sitting there SWEATING, praying that those guys don�t show up to take me around and introduce me to people before my pants dry. And although I got most of the coffee off my face, I couldn�t wash it, so it�s freaking DRYING in a sticky mask on my face and hands. �

Me: �Gross.�

Neal: �You know how I HATE having things on me.�

Me: �Yes, you do.�

Neal: �Fortunately, the pants dried before they came to get me. I did work up the courage to tell one guy the story, but in that version, I screwed the cap on, but LOOSE.�

Me: �Of course. �Cause otherwise, it�d be stupid.�

Neal: �Hey!�

Me: �Come on.�

Neal: �Oh, okay.�

Me: �Hey, I just thought of something.�

Neal: �Yeah?�

Me: �Thank GOD you couldn�t get a HOT coffee.�