I started feeling sick a week ago last night, with it really kicking in last Wednesday. The sick was just a sore throat and a bad cold, though. Lots of snot, hoarse voice, and sleepy. (If that's not the equation for a charismatic force of a personality on the radio, I don't know what is. Man.) I took a day off work, and gradually began to feel better.

That better feeling is taking its sweet time, though. Even when I went to bed last night, I still didn't feel 100%. Just a little congested, and my throat feels rather cloggy, like I have to clear it all the time.

Everyone who asks how I'm feeling has been telling me that the bug that's going around is like that - it's taking everyone a while to get it out of their system.

I felt well enough to return to Tae Kwon Do last night, and lucky for me, it was a pretty easy class. Not a lot of bouncing around or getting hit. Mostly stretching and beginning to learn the next forms we need for our next test. (A form is a series of blocks, kicks, and punches you do by yourself. In theory, it's a way to practice your stuff on your own, if you do that kind of thing. You perform the one that goes along with your belt each time you test for a higher belt, and they get more complicated as you advance.) I lifted weights with my buddy Christy afterwards, and even that was easy. We were both feeling sluggish and tired, and it took us about an hour and a half to get through a pretty light workout.

I went home, steamed some broccoli, watched some boob tube, and went to bed. (Note: There was a time - not too terribly long ago, that sentence would have said, "I went home, had a couple of glasses of wine, smoked 4 or 5 cigarettes, and went to bed.")

You know those girls who puke all the time? Like, everything they eat upsets their stomach. Every time you ask how they're doing, they're all, "Oh my god, I totally puked everything I ate this morning." It's like they vomit every single day, but walk around like this is normal.

I am not one of those girls. If I hurl, it either means I've consumed mass quantities of tequila (and possibly the worm), it's the first day of my period and I'm off the pill, or I'm very, very sick.

Well, I threw up this morning. My stomach didn't feel great, but that's not too unusual. It almost always feels a little weird, because I don't like to eat in the mornings. Today, I just had some tea. I did notice the standard morning ickiness, so I set out a pear for me to eat when I got to work. But my stomach had other ideas. When I was getting ready to walk out the door, my mouth got that watery feeling and I knew what was going to happen.

Poor Neal was awakened by my gagging noises, and he was all half asleep going, "What's happening? What's going on? Are you okay?" Even he knows I rarely barf. I didn't really know what else to do, so I just brushed my teeth and came to work. I don't feel well, though.

Wait, what's that noise? Oh, it's the sound of readers around the globe exclaiming, "Hey there! Jamie's pregnant!"

Well, I'm not. My dad reads this, so I'm not getting into detail. So you're just going to have to trust me on that one.

Shawn called me just a few minutes ago.

Me: "Newsroom, this is Jamie."

Shawn: "Hey. How are you feeling?"

Me: "WHY DID YOU ASK ME THAT?"

Shawn: "Huh?"

Me: "Why did you ask me how I'm feeling, instead of, like, 'How are you?' or 'What's up?' or something?"

Shawn: "I don't know, dude."

Me: "Just weird, because I threw up this morning, and I never, ever throw up."

Shawn: "I know."

Me: "I just thought, when you asked how I'm feeling, that maybe you KNEW on some cosmic, cookie-tossing level."

Shawn: "Gross. What did you eat last night?"

Me: "Wait till you hear this. I just had some steamed broccoli and went to bed."

Shawn: "Really?"

Me: "Yeah, that's what clean living gets me. I work out, eat right, and get some sleep. Most people's bodies would write them a thank you note. My body's all, 'Where's the booze? Where's the nicotine?' Clean living doesn't pay."

Shawn: "Your body's like, 'We'll be having NONE of that around here! This is no place for being healthy!'"

Me: "Right. God. I make Patsy and Edina look like Jenny Craig."

The really sucky part is, I'm fishing in an offshore tournament tomorrow. It's the one I did last year, where I caught a sailfish. I've been looking forward to it for months, and my body's acting all rebellious.

Not to mention, it's windy out there. Wind = choppy waters = rocky boat. Oog. I better go eat a Tums.

Update: Still sucks. I'm not full-blown sicky-sick, but I just don't feel up to par. My work is suffering. I hosted a talk show this morning where 5 officers from the Coast Guard. I turned to them and said, "So, as members of the Post Card..."

What the hell is that? The effects of this Mystery Illness, that's what.