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3.4.02
My Wild Romance With Jean-Michel
Guess who I interviewed today?

Go on, guess.

Guessguessguessguessguessguessguess.

(You can tell it must be someone good, because I'm so damn giddy and annoying.

Jean-Michel Cousteau!

(If you don't know who that is, I'm going to throw you out of here, just like I did to Shawn's little sister. Hell, she didn't know who JAQUES Cousteau was. What is the matter with these kids? Huh?)

Jean-Michel is my future husband. Oh, 63 is a little old for me, but I'm sure we're still perfect for each other. We're both famous (okay, he might be a little more famous than me), and we both have sexy French accents. Well, I don't, but whatever. We both love to SCUBA dive. Well, I'm sure I will once I've tried it.

See? Made in heaven.

I got to interview him for an hour. I tried to curb the sucking up, but it was rough. He was just SO COOL, okay? He knows so damn much about everything in the ocean, and I couldn't stand it. Everything he said was all wise and backed up by generations of experience. Did I mention the French accent? I did? Still, yum.

I try to act like I'm all cool and professional and not starstruck, but the whole time, I was sitting here thinking, "Jaques Cousteau is HIS DAD!" Jaques was the first guy to teach all us landlocked midwestern kids about the ocean. His show was so fun and funny. I loved him. I still do. Dead and all. Yup.

Jean-Michel posed for our first photo together as a couple. The first shot caught us in an intimate moment before we were ready to pose, and when you look at it now, it looks like he's staring directly at my breasts. (Why does that always happen to me, with the old famous guys? First, I have a shot of George Bush touching my butt. Now, a Cousteau is caught on film checking out my rack. What's next, Johnny Carson licking my neck?)

Random Jean-Michel fun fact: At the Olympics, they choose people who represent various "pillars" of the world, like "Africas," "Americas," "Culture," "Sport," etc. For the first year this year, they added a pillar - "Environment." Guess who was the first representative? That's right, my new boyfriend Jean-Michel.

So he was part of a global panel that included Steven Spielberg, Desmond Tutu, John Glenn, and others. I was on the radio, all asking him, "What the HELL did you people talk about?"

Can you imagine?

It was a good interview today, but it won't air for another month, because my March shows booked up early.

When he was getting ready to leave, I got a stupid call from a stupid lady with some stupid questions. He's all trying to shake out his hand, and I'm all, "Let me put her on hold!"

Once I did, Jean-Michel was like, "You didn't have to do that!"

But then I jumped on him and hugged him, and everyone in the room laughed and was like, "Yes, she did!"

I hugged a Cousteau! Can you believe that?

Do you think Neal will be mad that I've found someone else just two days after he's moved away?

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