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Lessons In Humiliation
Embarrassment 101:

This is more a lesson in near-humiliation. Shawn and I went skydiving yesterday for her birthday. (I did flips out of the plane this time!) Anyway, she had to do all the legal stuff, like fill out the “I won’t sue” forms and watch this video of a lawyer explaining the risks. When that was over, while she was initialing her legal rights away, another video of just some random people skydiving came on – I thought it was just some sort of tandem for-example film they kept around, to show people what the video would look like, should they choose to purchase it.

So Shawn’s initialing like crazy, and I’m watching this video, and I’m noticing that one of the jumpers one the screen is very, very… yummy. Mrowr.

I’m literally one inhale away from saying, “Shawn! Check out the hot guy in the video!” when I happen to glance to my left, and see… THE HOT GUY IN THE VIDEO.

It wasn’t a sample video – I was surrounded by the hot guy, and the rest of his party (including, presumably, his girlfriend), who had just jumped.

Close one.

Embarrassment 201:

This lesson demonstrates how I saw a beautiful window to get Shawn, and freaking nailed her. She and Beaker and I are in Blockbuster Saturday night, getting some DVDs. Shawn wants to pay, but Beaker insists on pitching in, and ends up sort of tossing 4 ones at her and heading out the door.

I come up behind her, and watch her struggle with the crumpled cash for a minute, commenting, “Beaker gave you some money?”

Shawn: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well, at least this is a chance to get rid of all those singles.”

Shawn: “I HATE singles!”

Me: “Well, when you work as a stripper…”

Shawn freezes, then looks at me. Next, she looks at the desk clerk, who is now observing her with keen interest. She kinds of leans in conspiratorially, and states, “I’m not a stripper.”

The video clerk looks at me.

Me (rolling eyes): “SURE, you’re not.”

And I walk out the door, making sure I get the last word.

Shawn comes out a couple minutes later, laughing.

“After you left, he just kind of kept half-looking at me. I gave him all those damn singles, and thought I’d counted correctly, but I guess I gave him a few extra. He hands me two dollars back and goes, ‘Here’s your tip.’”

Embarrassment 301:

This morning? When Beaker and I were having a little pre-work naked fun?

Yeah, totally elbowed him in the nose. His eyes cried.

I am smoooooth.

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