It rained all night last night. I have metal hurricane shutters, and the noise is so incredible and soothing. It was rough getting out of bed - I think the noise was actually holding me in place - but when I finally did, I wasn't even late to work.

My outfit is really cute. So is my hair. I saw my friend E as I was coming in for work - actually, he scared the shit out of me while I walked up the stairs. I hadn't seen him since he got back into town, though, so we cheerfully made dinner plans for this week.

I talked to Co-Host Kim this morning, and as long as the weather is decent, we're all systems go for our talk show's 1st birthday celebration tomorrow. We've been planning it for months, and I think we've put together a pretty kickass party. Magician! Tarot readings! Presents for everyone!

There was a lot of low-maintenance, interesting news when I got here. Some weirdness with a listener early in the day, but that situation ended up being more amusing than anything. I talked to Neal. He's all set to get here this weekend, and I'm looking forward to seeing him. I'm also looking forward to getting Shawn moved into her own room. The girl has been sleeping on a futon for months.

Then, I read the email from my dad. My mom has taken a pretty sharp turn for the worse. I vowed to call home right after lunch, and left with Shawn.

Even lunch was pretty good. I sauteed some leftover crab meat and made a salad. We both got errands done. I almost finished the crossword.

I got back from work, and everything started the slide to hell. First, there was no answer, no answering machine at home. I called my dad at work. No answer. I started to panic, just a little, so I decided to get back to work.

Pursuing a budget issue, I found out one of my favorite, and most reliable, sources is being eliminated.

When I finally talked to my dad, things didn't get much better. Mom's platelets are depleted, white blood cell count tripled. Blood in her mouth. That image is scary as hell. She's electing not to receive any more transfusions. I fought with Dad about that, but it isn't really his or my decision. Dad and I cried on the phone together - he in his office in Ohio, me at my desk all the way down here in Florida.

So I'm trying to balance the worry that I'm going to be suddenly called to Ohio with all the shit I have to do whether or not I'm here this week(end). I can't decide if I want to go home for one more visit. There's a part of me that's desperate to see my mom one last time, and a part of me that just wants to remember her as I saw her last weekend, with bright red toenails and clear eyes.

Suddenly, the rainy weather is less soothing, and more gloomy.

This is so hard and scary.