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People Of The Earth:
I have some announcements.

1. They make Jell-O Pudding Pops again. They are under the Popsicle brand, and possibly located next to the Fudgecicles. I was home sick last week, and asked Beaker to run his little butt to the store and get me some Popsicles, ‘cause my throat was a-burnin’.

I never expected such a treat as Pudding Pops. Chocolate, Vanilla, and Choco-Van Swirl. That same icy coating. The only difference is their shape – they’re shaped like fudgecicles now.

That day, I licked nostalgia. And then I ate nine more.

2. I am better now, but I was a sore-throat havin’, nasal-talkin’, snot-blowin’ ball-o-germs. The whole station worked our annual Kids’ Expo Saturday, and now we’re all sniveling and miserable. We call it Kids’ Show Disease. Little germ-infested rugrats.

3. Have you ever farted in bed while laying next to someone, and it smells so bad, you actually stare at them a second, wide-eyed, because you’re afraid the stench alone will be enough to rouse your bedbuddy from his slumber?

Only me?


4. My favorite part of last night’s independent film festival was when they cops went in to arrest this midget and his girlfriend for their kinky art gallery. The officers tackled the midget, took him to the ground, and he’s all laying there in his tiny suit, squirming around, stubby legs flailing. Beaker and I simultaneously burst into laughter, and about 4 seconds into our giggles, I realize that not only is it NOT supposed to be funny, but WE’RE THE ONLY JERKS LAUGHING IN THE WHOLE THEATER.

I was kind of mortified at my own lack of midget-sensitivity, but really, moments like that just reassure me that we’re meant to be together.

The Realm of Monkey Love
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