- Ate turkey, of course. My friends J and E grilled a turkey and I carried it all the way upstairs and inside without dropping it, even though I could tell by the raised eyebrows that they all thought I would. Ha, suckas! Also ate grilled duck and a million other foods.

- Learned to carve a turkey. Sort of.

- Learned how to change my oil, thus saving myself tens of dollars every few months. And, I feel all empowered and handy.

- Bought some groceries.

- Ran.

- Had a horrible allergy attack.

- Washed dishes. Three times.

- Watched Ice Age on DVD.

- Went for drinks for my friend Christy�s birthday.

- Decided at 11:30 p.m. that my friend Jennifer and I should go to South Beach. Went to South Beach. Didn�t spend a dime all night long � a new record. Danced until 4:30 a.m. Slept on a floor.

- Took a nap.

- Drove to Key West. Saw the highly anti-climactic 8 Mile. Spent night. Laid by pool, shopped, drove home.

Even though I�ve been crazy busy all day at work, after that �vacation,� it still feels like I�m moving in slow motion.

My dad arrives tomorrow. I�m much excited about this. When he called yesterday, he asked to speak to Shawn so he could confirm directions, and we all know how pathetic I am in that area. I knocked on her door, and didn�t hear anything. Finally, she said, �Come in!�

She and DK were naked, under the sheets. I was like, �Uh, my dad wants to talk to you?�

She said, �Sure. Give me the phone.�

I walked in, arm extended as far as it would go, and dropped the phone on the very end of the bed, as not to risk possibly brushing against or looking at anything remotely questionable or naked.

When she brought the phone back out, she said, �Hey, we�re going to have sex now, okay?�

Like that wasn�t painfully clear.

Anyway, Dad gets here just in time for my evening talk show, on which he is scheduled to appear as a guest. He casually mentioned that he would try to think of some good �Jamie Stories� that not everyone down here would necessarily know. Since I could not let him have the satisfaction of knowing he would be in a position to totally nail me, I just as casually told him that that sounded like a fine idea.

Now, I�m trying to rack my brains to remember just what all he knows.

HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

Wait! There�s one thing he DOESN�T know�

I possess sole control his microphone.

Whew.