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Oh, dear, itís the end of the year. How shall I wrap up? A clever statistics rundown? A top ten list? ďFunnyĒ haikus?

Fuck it. I already wrote my highs and lows on the forum. Here, the unabridged version.

Biggest Low: Mother's Day.

I woke up FAR more depressed than I imagined I would be. Total surprise - I knew I would be sad, but never anticipated that level of gloom and brainmuck. After a day of sleeping and boating and crying, just as I was falling asleep that night, I got a call that my dad's mom, my last remaining grandparent, had died. I think that at that point, I was too exhausted to grieve anymore... Beaker tried to comfort me, and I just said, "It's okay," and fell asleep.

Biggest High: Being named Woman Of The Year. (I donít know how it happened, either. Maybe those were crack brownies they were serving at the luncheon.)

Now, in no order of importanceÖ

Low: Finding out about my rent increase, and realizing Iíll have to leave the apartment I love so much by June.

High: Traveling to Cleveland to represent my WHOLE STATE in a national public speaking competition. I worked hard, met some awesome women, and made incredible contacts. I conquered my fear of public speaking. Well, almost. Kicked its ass a little. Plus, my speech was way better than the national winner. No one stood up and cheered and pumped their fists in the air after HERS, did they? I think not.

AndÖ Cleveland!

Low: It wasnít on Motherís Day, and we werenít as close, but my grandfather died this year, too.

High: Getting asked to chair my areaís Relay For Life, benefiting the American Cancer Society. Ask me again in 3 months, though, because it might be a low by then. Iím honored, my mom was involved in the event when she was alive, and itís a great cause, butÖ Itís a LOT of work.

Low: Something really bad happened to one of my best friends. Itís not my story to tell, so I canít. I know thatís like saying ďI have a secret!Ē and I normally wouldnít even bring it up, but I canít think about the year without thinking about thisÖ thing.

High: Beaker. Beakerbeakerbeaker. He loves me.

Resolutions: I will not start smoking pot, will continue never to do anything half-assed, and will sing more Ė possibly to Frank Sinatra and Bobby Darin.

An annual resolution since college has been to be more considerate of others. Iím going to revise that a bit this year, the year Iíve come down with more colds than I ever have in my life.

Iím going to take better care of myself in 2004. Not just eating right and working out and stuff Ė Iím talking about respecting myself enough to plan/think things through, and considering the consequences my actions will have FOR MYSELF. I think Iíve spent too much time just flitting around, only making sure that what I do wonít piss anyone else off, and have woken up mad at me, on behalf of me, more times this year than Iíd like.

My sinister plan is that by shifting the focus a little, everyone else well be better taken care of, too.

2003. What a roller coaster, huh?

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