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01.01.04
Everyone Else Is Doing It
Oh, dear, it�s the end of the year. How shall I wrap up? A clever statistics rundown? A top ten list? �Funny� haikus?

Fuck it. I already wrote my highs and lows on the forum. Here, the unabridged version.

Biggest Low: Mother's Day.

I woke up FAR more depressed than I imagined I would be. Total surprise - I knew I would be sad, but never anticipated that level of gloom and brainmuck. After a day of sleeping and boating and crying, just as I was falling asleep that night, I got a call that my dad's mom, my last remaining grandparent, had died. I think that at that point, I was too exhausted to grieve anymore... Beaker tried to comfort me, and I just said, "It's okay," and fell asleep.

Biggest High: Being named Woman Of The Year. (I don�t know how it happened, either. Maybe those were crack brownies they were serving at the luncheon.)

Now, in no order of importance�

Low: Finding out about my rent increase, and realizing I�ll have to leave the apartment I love so much by June.

High: Traveling to Cleveland to represent my WHOLE STATE in a national public speaking competition. I worked hard, met some awesome women, and made incredible contacts. I conquered my fear of public speaking. Well, almost. Kicked its ass a little. Plus, my speech was way better than the national winner. No one stood up and cheered and pumped their fists in the air after HERS, did they? I think not.

And� Cleveland!

Low: It wasn�t on Mother�s Day, and we weren�t as close, but my grandfather died this year, too.

High: Getting asked to chair my area�s Relay For Life, benefiting the American Cancer Society. Ask me again in 3 months, though, because it might be a low by then. I�m honored, my mom was involved in the event when she was alive, and it�s a great cause, but� It�s a LOT of work.

Low: Something really bad happened to one of my best friends. It�s not my story to tell, so I can�t. I know that�s like saying �I have a secret!� and I normally wouldn�t even bring it up, but I can�t think about the year without thinking about this� thing.

High: Beaker. Beakerbeakerbeaker. He loves me.

Resolutions: I will not start smoking pot, will continue never to do anything half-assed, and will sing more � possibly to Frank Sinatra and Bobby Darin.

An annual resolution since college has been to be more considerate of others. I�m going to revise that a bit this year, the year I�ve come down with more colds than I ever have in my life.

I�m going to take better care of myself in 2004. Not just eating right and working out and stuff � I�m talking about respecting myself enough to plan/think things through, and considering the consequences my actions will have FOR MYSELF. I think I�ve spent too much time just flitting around, only making sure that what I do won�t piss anyone else off, and have woken up mad at me, on behalf of me, more times this year than I�d like.

My sinister plan is that by shifting the focus a little, everyone else well be better taken care of, too.

2003. What a roller coaster, huh?

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