Shawn and I are enjoying them, quite a bit, in fact, when the phone rings.

Me: "Who is this?"

Guy On Phone: "Mike."

Me: "Oh, hi, Mike!"

It was my ex-boyfriend Mike, who I haven't spoken to in years. But I thought it was my buddy down here Mike. So I proceed to have this senseless conversation with him, where I'm asking things like, "So, did you finish tonight's bottle of rum?" and the like, until I walk by Shawn, and she reaches up and grabs my left breast. Hard. For no fucking reason. I scream OW! and chuck the phone at her as hard as I can, bruising her arm. She, of course, proceeds to pick up the phone and talk to Mike, thinking she's talking to our friend. After bitching about how I hurt her with the phone, Shawn gives the phone back to me. I'm noticing that the voice doesn't sound like my friend Mike, so I think he�s passed the phone to another mutual friend, BoyShawn. So I conduct another senseless conversation, until Shawn finally gets my attention and stage whispers, "It's Mike EX-BOYFRIEND�SLASTNAME! THAT Mike!"

Hole E. Shit.

I freeze. Mike's still chattering in my ear.

I panic and shove the phone at Shawn. After a minute, she makes me take it back, and he's totally on to me, thinking I'm a drunken idiot.

Hmm. Actually, he was kind of right, huh?