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12.12.02
The Stuff They Don't Tell You In The Interview
I woke up this morning and stumbled into the bathroom, as I am wont to do.

While waking up, I pleasantly was greeted by the site of a big fat Palmetto bug taking a little bath in a damp corner of our shower.

Therefore, while waking up, Shawn pleasantly was greeted by the sounds of me in the bathroom, banging around, shouting, �DIE MOTHERFUCKER! Don�t you crawl away from me! You get back here and DIE!�

Good morning to you, too.

Here�s something weird about radio. Since I�m The Official Newslady, I don�t voice any commercials, since it�s not a good idea to mix your totally unbiased news with the people who are paying you for airtime.

But occasionally, I�ll do a little unrecognizable thing, like a yell in the background. Once, I was an echo. Another time, I stood with a group of people while we simultaneously announced, �We screwed up.�

So there�s this guy who owns a shop, and also hosts a little show thingy we do.

And this guy comes up to me the other day and asks if I�ll say one single line in his commercial. Here�s roughly how the script went:

Guy: And everything is marked down, 20 to 50 percent.

Me: TWENTY TO FIFTY PERCENT!

Guy: That�s right. Twenty to fifty percent!

So I go into the studio and say my little line. And the producer asks me to do it slower, so I enunciate it more.

Fine.

The problem is, the commercial is on very heavy rotation. And it�s starting to drive me batshit.

At first, I could joke about it. A sales guy happened to be walking by me desk as it aired, and since my voice just pierces the mellowness of the other guy, the sales guy stopped in his tracks and looked at me.

Sales Guy: �Is that you?!�

Me: �Yeah. I was going for a subtle blend of incredulous, but with just a touch of excitement edging into there, in spite of myself.�

Sales Guy: �I think you achieved that.�

Me: �Well, it IS a big sale.�

But I keep hearing it and hearing it. And since you can�t avoid my voice just cutting the fuck through the air, no one can resist repeating, �Twenty to fifty percent!� after me.

Or, I�ll be sitting at my desk, quietly working on something, and I�ll hear myself in the background, and it startles the hell out of me. I�m all, �What am I so damn pumped up about? Wait, it�s that fucking commercial again.�

Even Shawn commented on it, all, �You do that so GOOD!�

I�m used to hearing my voice on the radio, just not that particular tone of my voice.

I just can�t wait until the freaking sale is over, so Overexcited Consumer Jamie will just go away.

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