Why is it that Neal can hang out on the computer playing video games for hours, and I get on to upload an entry and the freaking thing acts retarded? That was last night.
So, in my efforts to erase the Hell Weekend from my mind, I've been thinking about those walking Snapple fruit. A person could have some good times with a costume like that, you know?
For your reading pleasure, here's a list of fun things you could do if you happened to be a giant Snapple fruit wearing high heels walking around.
-Scare the living bejezus out of small children.
-Go to an orchard and start knocking pickers off of their ladders. Demand, �How do you like it, bub?!�
-Flirt with vegetables on your plate. Giggle stupid lines like, �Ooh, Green Beany! You are sooo fresh!�
-Go to a PETA meeting and beat the crap out of a bunch of vegetarians.
-Go to Key West, stand next to the drag queens. When passers-by heckle them, shout, �Who you callin� a fruit, girlfriend?!�
-Go to a Farmers Market and act like you�re at a family reunion. Put nametags on the rest of the produce.
-Get peeled.
-Stand on a side walk with your feet shoulder-width apart, and place a juice glass between your feet. Squeeze yourself!
-Go to your local supermarket, pick up a container of pre-cut fruit salad. Clutch it in your trembling hands and stare at it in horror until a crowd gathers. Run sobbing through the crowd and out of the store, screaming, �Oh, the humanity!�
Yesterday was Two-Talk-Show Tuesday. My morning show was great - my guests were these local cops who had just returned from a trip to NYC to help out with their law enforcement. God, they were great. So moving.
Shows like that are really hard for me - I'm always afraid of coming off shallow or like a schmuck or dumb. But I think... I think... I did OK.
The evening show was also eventful - the venue is a tiki-bar kinda place, and I got to combine high winds and a little rain with expensive, plugged-in electronic equipment. Hey, I'm a gambler. No one got zapped, though, so all is well.
Hey, overdue pimpage! Looking for some kickass diaries? Hell, I found some there. It's updated regularly, and since you have nothing better to do, you should
1. read those people, for the love of pete!
and
2. grab one of those cute-ass buttons to link back to the portal.
Do it, bitches!
(Wait, was that too forceful? I'm sorry. No - no, really. I'm sorry. Don't go away. Come here. Let me hold you and stroke your hair and tell you you're pretty. You are! No, you are! And that housedress looks so nice on you.)
