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8.12.01
How To Be The Godfather Of The Outdoor Concert Scene
It started off with a bang Friday night, but overall, this has been a pretty low-key weekend.

Neal and I have had tickets for ZetaFest for a few weeks now. We went together last year and had a truly great time. Veruca Salt, Filter, and the headliner was Stone Temple Pilots, who put on an incredible show.

Well, Neal starts barfing at work on Friday, and there is no way I'm taking him to an all-day outdoor fest where it's 1,893 degrees out while he's feeling nauseated. So I call my friend Jennifer, who fortunately is able to get a babysitter.

The trip there involved traffic, parking problems, and paying 2 dollars to use a bathroom. We tucked the Neon away in a... get this... valet parking garage. Miami is too cool to allow a bunch of punks to park their OWN cars into the parking garage.

Now, I am about to provide for you, at no charge, because I love each and every one of you so very much,
Jamie's Guide Of Stuff To Bring To An Outdoor Fest, To Ensure You Have A Good Time, And To Make Everyone Else Jealous That They Didn't Think To Bring That.

1. Toilet Paper Expecially if you are a girl, but I was tearing off sheets for boys in the bathroom, too. I was just like, "Here you go. No, man, go ahead. I don't want to know any more." TP will make you the hero of the bathroom, and it's like cigarettes in prison - in a pinch, it will serve as a powerful bartering tool.

2. Glow Sticks You'll want them, other people will have them, and no matter how nicely you ask, they won't give them to you. Now, we forgot to get them ahead of time this time, but fortunately, they weren't very expensive. It's hard to NOT look like a cool dancer if you have glow sticks. Although I don't think Neal was too happy that I came home, tossed 'em on the dresser, then passed out. The next morning, I'm like, "Where are my glow sticks?"

And Neal said, in a very measured voice, "I got up in the middle of the night and put them in your underwear drawer."

Oops.

3. A Sheet You'll want to sit down. Grass is itchy. Blankets are bulky. Sheets are your friends.

4. A Spray Bottle Filled With Water, Frozen This was a last-minute idea of mine, for which I should win some sort of Outdoor Concert Award. (And what would they call that award? The Dirty? The Moshy?) It was cool. It was refreshing. When you have long hair and it's hot out, if you keep it wet, you're automatically about 9 times more comfortable you are. The spray bottle also gave the all-important feeling of being clean, although we weren't.

So there you go. You can thank me after your next Lollapaloozish experience.

And we DID get dirty. I'm looking at the off-white tank I wore right now. It doesn't smell very good, and it has on it:

-an overall coating of dust

-grass stains on the back, near the bottom

-a strange sticky substance closer to the top in the back

-dark stripes where my left boob was

-a mysterious red substance. Jen found this red stuff on her shirt, too. Since all we drank all night was water and $5 beers, neither of us can figure out what the hell this stuff is. It looks kinda like Kool-Aid. I hope to hell it was Kool-Aid. Ach, I don't want to think about it anymore.

The headliner this year was Live. Jennifer talked me into going down to the stage one last time before I left, and I'm so glad, because although I'm not a huge Live fan, we got about ten rows back. I helped people crowd surf and helped lift up moshers. I'm a very helpful concert pal, really.

The drive home sucked because my contacts were so dirty, it was like trying to see the road through a filthy wineglass. Everything light had halos, and they all smudge together. Nothing spices up a trip on the turnpike like poor eyesight!

Yesterday I slept in then went swimming with Jennifer and her startlingly beatiful daughter. That kid is the first 2-year-old I've ever met who not only isn't afraid to put her face in the water, but will voluntarily dunk herself.

Friday night we went bowling with friends, then I saw The Godfather for the first time ever. I know, I know.

Watched the sequel today, so I'm a little mafia-ed out right now. I think I'm going to go make spaghetti, though, because for some reason, I have this fierce craving for Italian food.

Ciao.

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