OK, back to the Adventure... remember, I'm in normal font, Mags is in itallics.

You know the weird thing about this particular small town in Ohio? It has a Banana Joes'. Weird, huh? (Foreshadowing.)

The old guy Corduroy Bill was also obsessed with not being TOO much shorter than Maggie, so he made her stand back-to-back until someone would tell him there wasn't THAT big of a difference.

After all that drinkin' and booty-shakin', Maggie and I had to use the little lady's room. I remember saying to her, "I have this feeling we're going to end up shaking our groove thangs at Banana Joe's before this night is over." Imagine, she had the very same feeling.

But not so fast. First, we went to a neighborhood bar. A couple of Mollie's friends got married that day, and the wedding party was celebrating at that bar.

Um, I don't think anything interesting happened there, except, of course, more gin and tonics. I believe my cousin Jennie actually chugged a Long Island Iced Tea - impressive and frightening, all at the same time.

Mags, do you remember anything eventful?

Hmmm ... that one Elk followed us there. He sat at the bar and kept calling me Pulitzer. (Because I'm a journalist. Get it? Get it? Ha.)

"Hey, PUL-IT-ZER!!! Lemme buy yew another drinky-poo ... yer good people, yew know that?"

I took his drinks, pulled my hand away when he tried to kiss it... and tried to breathe through my right nostril only as to avoid the rancid drunk old man smell wafting from his body on my left.

Things start to get a bit fuzzy at this point. I remember drinking lots of water (my attempt to be good), was drunk dialing on other people's cell phones and was flirting with Jamie's former neighbor, who I thought was a sweet gay boy. '

And then I got that foreboding feeling in the pit of my tummy.

We were off to Banana Joe's.

There was really no way to avoid it. I was drunk, and I followed.

We approached the building, IDs in hand, and absorbed the sweet sounds of the thumping bass. Maggie and I went to the bar and ordered one last giant G&T to split. Definitely one too many. Wait, that implies that we were fine up until that point. We'd already had about 7 too many, and this was like pouring a bucket of water on a sunken boat and saying you flooded the vessel. Bad. Bad. Bad.

We danced. We shook. We jiggled. I remember trying to walk to the bathroom at one point, and my left foot slid far away from me. In my efforts to catch myself, I pretty much fell on my face. My sweet friend Marcus scooped me up and danced with me for a minute, erasing all embarrassment.

Wait, drunks don't get embarrassed. Scratch that.

I remember having a psychic moment, when Jennie ran up to me and screeched, "I lost my pager!" I calmly replied, "Ask the DJ. He has it."

I don't know where that came from, but sure enough, the DJ had it. Gin gives you ESP!

This is great! I'm going to go get drunk and then try to work for Miss Cleo!

You guys, people in Mt. Vernon dance to "Cotton-Eyed Joe." No one stands there and forces them to or anything. They do it voluntarily. I know this sounds like blasphemy, but I wouldn't report it if I didn't see it with my own eyes. Cute-Neighbor-Boy (his name is Mike, Miss BlackOut) did this obnoxious jig, easing the shock we endured from watching the gyrating townies.

Toward the end of the night, I remeber dancing with Maggie to "Me So Horny."

Jennie was passed out at this point, and the dance floor had cleared about halfway, so we were working that space. I can't believe that I still know most of the words to that song.

That was pretty much it for Banana Joe's. Well, on my end.

To be continued...