Once upon a time, not very long ago, a group of Hollywood types decided to film a part of a movie here on the island where I live. It's called Breakers, and I believe it's going to be released in theaters pretty soon. The station where I work got kinda involved in the filming... just publicity and a few of us worked as extras and stuff like that. Hewitt, Sigourney Weaver, Gene Hackman, Jason Lee, and Ray Liotta were all in the movie. There are rumors about Liotta partying it up at one of our sleazier clubs. Whatever.

At one point, this production guy from Breakers stopped while I was at work because the people on the set just LOVED our station. He was the stereotypical Hollywood schmoozing type. Said we were just so NOT IN YOUR FACE. Came by for all the free crap he could milk for himself and THE STARS.

This was weird for two reasons.

Weird Thing #1

There's a possibility Jennifer Love Hewitt and I could have been wearing the same radio station T-shirt when we crawled into bed that night. Yeech. I swear, is she posing in EVERY picture? I crack open a magazine the other day, right? There she is, standing with her back to the camera, ass pushed out, hands on her hips, smiling over her shoulder. Whatever. Like we're supposed to believe she was just CAUGHT like that.

I know that while hanging around the office, I strike that very pose several times a day while waiting for a fax, just in case someone with a camera comes up behind me.

OK, now I'm cracking up, because I just started thinking about what the DJs' reactions actually would be if I really did do that. "Uh, Jamie? Is there something we can... help you with? Are you all right?"

I'm aware that other celebreties do this, as well. But she's the most fun to insult.

Weird Thing #2

The schmoozy Hollywood guy told us they all listened to my station between takes.

So let's say Gene Hackman, Jason Lee, and Sigourney Weaver are hanging out around the set, discussing the scene, listening to some good ol' classic rock.

All of a sudden, it's five to the hour, and my news sounder is broadcast over the airwaves.

Sigourney: "So Gene, I think when you bitchslap Hewitt in scene 4, you should just do it for real. I know she wants a phantom hit, but I think since she can't act worth dogshit, it really adds to the authenticity of the scene if you would just haul back and smack her upside her big shiny head. And put some wrist into it, will you? Man, that perky bitch really pisses me--"

Jason: "SHHHH!"

Sigourney: "What?"

Jason: "It's the local news."

Gene: "You mean with that Jamie girl?"

Jason: "Yes. I love her!"

Sigourney and Gene: "Me, too!"

They look at each other and chuckle, but then quickly quiet down so they can get the fastest, most accurate news and information about what's happening in the area. Ray Liotta hears Jamie's voice and is drawn to the radio like a magnet, where he quickly pulls up his leather director's chair with diamond trim and joins the group.

Jamie: "That was the latest local news... more to come this afternoon."

All four smile, lean back, close their eyes, and sigh with the satisfaction of knowing they now know what's going on in the area, and they can trust that it's right.

Jason: "I'll bet she's really hot, too. I'm getting in my gas-guzzling SUV and driving to the radio station to meet her right now, and if she's a dark brunette with long curly hair, I'm leaving my wife and taking her back to LA with me."

Ray and Gene: "SHOTGUN!"

OK, I took it too far. But it's possible that THE STARS (as the Hollywood guy put it) listened to and enjoyed my newscasts, wondering just for a moment what I was like.

For that moment... I WAS THE CELEBRITY.

Chew on that.