It's bigger (yay!) and cheaper (yay!). However, it's not as "clean" as the current place... like, there's paint drips on the floor, the yard is kind of crusty, and the plaster isn't the greatest.

Fortunately, there's a 2 week period when we will have both places. So we'll do some painting and buffing and patching and scrubbing.

I was thinking about that this morning. Neal and I have never really done any "home improvement" project-type stuff together. So of course, I started thinking about the J. Crew catalogs. The J. Crew people are always doing that stuff. And they look great. No matter what.

J. Crew Guy (let's call him "Biff"): "Buffy, could you hand me that can of Ralph Lauren Succulent Sage?"

Buffy: "Of course, darling."

*pause*

Buffy: "Oops! I seem to have accidentally touched my face with a paint-covered finger, leaving an adorable smudge across the bridge of my perfect nose!"

Biff: "Why, that IS adorable! Come here and cuddle."

Neal: "Honey, could you hand me that can of... Generic White?"

Jamie: "Sure."

*pause*

Neal: "I can't believe you managed to spill the entire can on the cat."

Jamie: "It was totally her fault."

Buffy: "Biff? I seem to be having trouble reaching the top of this dorrway. Want to playfully lift me onto your shoulders so I can get it?"

Biff: "Sure, darling!"

*pause*

Biff: "My, you are light as a feather. This is effortless, and fun!"

Buffy: "It sure is!"

Jamie: "OK. How are we going to get that corner?"

Neal: "We're painting without a ladder."

Jamie: "I know. We're ridiculous. Want me to run out and get one?"

Neal: "No, you'll just track paint across the yard and into the car. Here, I'll pick you up."

Jamie: "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Neal: "Sure. Come here."

Jamie: "Okaaay..."

*pause*

Jamie: "Should we tell the landlord about the brand new gaping hole in his ceiling, or try to fix it ourselves?"

Neal: "Fix it ourselves."

Jamie: "Oh, God."

Buffy: "Oopsie! I seem to have dripped paint on my $70 J. Crew seatpants!"

Biff: "That's OK. We'll just get you more."

Jamie: "Son of a bitch! I can't believe I dripped white paint onto my black bra."

Neal: "If you were wearing a shirt, this wouldn't be a problem."

Jamie: "I don't have any clean shirts."

Neal: "Now you don't have any clean bras, either."

Jamie: "Shut up."

That night, in bed...

Biff: "Thank you so much for your help today."

Buffy: "Thank you, too. The living room looks stunning."

Biff: "I agree. You are a great painter."

Buffy: "You are, too. Would you like to make passionate love?"

Biff: "Of course, darling! Let me sweep you into my arms."

Jamie: "How the hell did you get paint on your *****?"