REASONS WHY MY DAD IS FUCKING COOL, AND ALSO A GREAT GUEST

1. He rented a car, so we didn't have to drive him to or from the airport.

2. He bought dinners and drinks like our last name is actually "Trump."

3. Like me, he appreciates a variety. A sampling of some of the drinks Dad ordered over the weekend: B&B, Irish Coffee, Chardonnay, Coors Light, Merlot, Whiskey and Water.

4. Neal says so.

5. Dad called my mom 84,000 times to see how she's doing in the old folks' home. (By the way, she's supposed to get out in about a week. I asked her if she was taking some senior citizens to school in Bingo or anything, but she said "No." She sounds great, though, and is walking more and more.)

6. He appreciates the new silver jewelry store in Key West, and even liked my favorite shop, which I thought he'd hate.

7. He shot pool and hung out with Neal and me in the crappy biker bar we like to go to sometimes. Dad also got to watch chicks dancing on the bar, so I don't think he complained to much.

8. Was comfortable and fit in everywhere, from said biker bar to classiest cigar joint in town.

9. He's a morning person, but let lushies Neal and me sleep in. Was also very quiet while we snored away.

10. Dad garnered me an unearned, undeserved Friday afternoon off of work.

11. He did a lot of the driving.

12. His rental car had air conditioning. (Neither Neal's nor my car has it.)

13. Bragged about me practically non-stop.

14. Was able to talk OSU football with one of my favorite people down here.

15. A local band here has a joke-telling contest every night. It's practically the only way to earn a T-shirt. (Begging doesn't work, and you could buy one, but what's the fun in that?) Dad found for me the semi-dirty joke that I told... and I won! I'm all like Jeaneane Garafalo and shit.

16. At one point, was calling my littlest sister on his cell phone to see how her play performace went. I called her on my cell phone, just to be an ass. He wouldn't admit it, but I think Dad thought it was funny. Heh.

17. He appreciates my friends.

18. Ever the fabulous hosts, Neal and I ran out of tiolet paper and then both proceeded to head to work Friday morning, leaving my dad home alone and... without. He went and bought us more, and paper towels! And he only made fun of us a little for that one, too.

19. Um, he and Neal are so alike that it freaked me out sometimes. This is a good thing, until they started talking politics. During that discussion, I just curled in the corner of the couch, read a magazine, and smirked.

20. In a Key West shop, found the best Christmas ornament ever. My dad and I are now the proud owners of little mini lobsters wearing Santa hats. We laughed so hard I thought they were going to kick us out of the store.

21. Relentlessly made fun of Neal's junky car.

22. Looked at our new apartment with me. (Oh, yeah. Neal and I are moving. More on that later.)

23. Asked the landlord all kinds of Dad-like questions that let me know he still wants to kind of watch over me sometimes. Even though I'm all grown up and shit (ahem), I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.

24. Neal and I planned to buy stuff for kabobs on da grill Sat. night, to make up for all the dinners Dad had been funding. As we were checking out, he stood solid in front of the ATM thing and paid, even though Neal and I told him we were covering this meal. I even tried to physically shove him out of the way. I was a little mad at the time, but in retrospect... isn't he the sweetest?

25. After we got back from the bar that night, Neal decided to grill leftover kabobs for himself and Dad and set a chunk of the backyard on fire. Really. When Dad asked about the charred, black spot on the ground the next day, he didn't rag on Neal too badly for almost burning down the neighborhood.

26. Neal says he's a cool drinking buddy. And he's right.

27. Oh, EVERYONE loves my Dad. It's just a rule.

28. Got that laser surgery on his eyes, and it's wiped 20 years off of his appearance. It's really strange. I don't think a single person I introduced Dad to failed to comment on how young he looks, or that they thought he was my brother. (Tee hee... he told me the president of his company calls him, "C.M.," for "Chick Magnet." Sheesh.)

29. Dad's a neat freak, but didn't criticize Neal's and my more laid-back ways.

30. He possibly had as much fun in college as I did, and has the stories that go with a wild 4 years. Neal says I was giggling so hard I could barely breathe.

31. And the final reason: The house was cleaner when he left than when he arrived. Is that a houseguest or what? Extra credit because my house is the size of a Barbie Dream House.

I miss him already and hope he comes back soon.