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10.20.00
Put Up Your Dukes
Whew, that's better. A little plain, but kinda pretty, no?

I have another confession to make.

No, I didn't hurt the cat again.

I suck at web page design.

I dress OK. I can decorate a room. But stick a html color chart in front of me and all of a sudden I'm color blind. If it wasn't for my friend Gretchen and AOL IM, this would look like crap. I really, really want to be one of those people that's just good at making pages look pretty, and I'm just not. Damn.

Neal and I had a fight last night. He called me at work when he got home, we disagreed on something, we were cranky, and then we were fighting. He's yelling, I'm being an uber-smartass and using that evil tone of voice. You know the one. Then I decided to be funny.

Neal: "Look, I don't know why we're arguing, and I don't want to fight anymore. I'm sorry we did. I just wanted to come home and see you, because I missed you all day. And now we're pissed. I don't know if it's your fault, or my fault, or--"

Me (muttering): "It's your fault."

For one second, Neal got deathly silent.

Then he got loud.

Neal: "Are you trying to--"

Me (snickering): "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!"

Neal: "Could we postpone the humor for a little bit?"

Can you believe I'm that much of a jerk? Then, I continued to crack up silently through the rest of the peace-making wrap-up. What a girlfriend! I'm the biggest asshole in America.

But I met him for a drink after we hung up. When I came in, he was playing the Naked Lady Game, one of our favorites. You know those TV-looking things they put on bars you can stick money in and play video poker or something? Well, our favorite game is were they take 2 pictures of nude women and you have to hunt for the differences and touch them on the screen. (I think it's actually called "Photo Hunt," but to us, it's the Naked Lady Game.) Some of the shots are really raunchy.

The funny thing was, Neal was at the very end of the bar, by the wall, already involved in the game when I arrived. When I walked toward him, I noticed the woman next to him, her date, and their buddy were all staring at the screen with a mixture of fascination and disgust as Neal poked at the pictures of naked women, finding all the differences.

Then the 3 strangers noticed me arriving, and the men got this look of incredible sympathy on their faces, and I could actually see them settling in, ready to watch me rip Neal a new asshole for looking at the naughty pictures.

You should have seen them when I sat down, ordered a drink and started poking at the screen with Neal, both of us congratulating each other whenever we'd find a difference that was particularly hard to spot.

The woman looked apalled, the men looked amazed. I could actually hear the thought running through their heads.

"Dude, that guy has the coolest girlfriend ever."

So see? I'm not all THAT bad. I can't fight worth a shit, I'm way too much of a smart ass, and my wisecrack timing sucks. I'll also occasionally kick a cat.

But I'll play stare intently at pictures of naked ladies with my boyfriend, and that has to count for something.

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