I’m still trying to heal from The Black Plague. I’ve officially been coughing like a lifetime smoker for two weeks now. I remained vice-free until Saturday night, and that ain’t bad.

Now, I continue to feel fine, but I’ve graduated to the coughing-cool-stuff-up phase. Lovely, green phlegm. Feels so good when you spit it out your car window.

You want me.

Since I’m still coughing, I’m still drugged up. I’ve been on daytime cough for a week, and have been doing a shot of the Nyquil cough every night. It’s pretty much a hazy shade of winter in Jamie’s world, and I can tell by some of the retarded conversations I’ve been having lately. Here are some actual snippets. (No, the Someone Else is not the same person in every conversation. Not that it matters.)

Me: “Would you rather eat a worm or run across the street naked?”

Someone Else: “Run across the street naked, I guess.”

Me: “Oh. Okay.”

Someone Else: “Wait. What street?”

Me: “Hmm. U.S. 1, right in front of my house.”

Someone Else: “What kind of worm?”

Me: “An earthworm. About three inches long.”

Someone Else: “An earthworm! All these questions! What is WRONG with you?!”

Me: “Drugs, man.”

Me: “WHAT?”

Someone Else: “What, what?”

Me: “What was that look?”

Someone Else: “What look?”

Me: “You had a look.”

Someone Else: “I’m full of looks.”

Me: “I’m full of words.”

Short pause.

Someone Else: “You have only one speed, don’t you? And it’s just GO, isn’t it?”

Me: “Pretty much.”

Someone Else: “Damn.”

Me: “So, you’ll be fishing for what, three or four days?”

Someone Else: “Yeah, until it gets windy.”

Me: “Okay.”

Someone Else: “Do you want me to bring you back a fish?”

Me: “Dead or alive?”

(Long pause.)

Someone Else: “Um, dead, of course.”

Me: “Oh. Okay, then.”