This is more a lesson in near-humiliation. Shawn and I went skydiving yesterday for her birthday. (I did flips out of the plane this time!) Anyway, she had to do all the legal stuff, like fill out the �I won�t sue� forms and watch this video of a lawyer explaining the risks. When that was over, while she was initialing her legal rights away, another video of just some random people skydiving came on � I thought it was just some sort of tandem for-example film they kept around, to show people what the video would look like, should they choose to purchase it.

So Shawn�s initialing like crazy, and I�m watching this video, and I�m noticing that one of the jumpers one the screen is very, very� yummy. Mrowr.

I�m literally one inhale away from saying, �Shawn! Check out the hot guy in the video!� when I happen to glance to my left, and see� THE HOT GUY IN THE VIDEO.

It wasn�t a sample video � I was surrounded by the hot guy, and the rest of his party (including, presumably, his girlfriend), who had just jumped.

Close one.

Embarrassment 201:

This lesson demonstrates how I saw a beautiful window to get Shawn, and freaking nailed her. She and Beaker and I are in Blockbuster Saturday night, getting some DVDs. Shawn wants to pay, but Beaker insists on pitching in, and ends up sort of tossing 4 ones at her and heading out the door.

I come up behind her, and watch her struggle with the crumpled cash for a minute, commenting, �Beaker gave you some money?�

Shawn: �Yeah.�

Me: �Well, at least this is a chance to get rid of all those singles.�

Shawn: �I HATE singles!�

Me: �Well, when you work as a stripper��

Shawn freezes, then looks at me. Next, she looks at the desk clerk, who is now observing her with keen interest. She kinds of leans in conspiratorially, and states, �I�m not a stripper.�

The video clerk looks at me.

Me (rolling eyes): �SURE, you�re not.�

And I walk out the door, making sure I get the last word.

Shawn comes out a couple minutes later, laughing.

�After you left, he just kind of kept half-looking at me. I gave him all those damn singles, and thought I�d counted correctly, but I guess I gave him a few extra. He hands me two dollars back and goes, �Here�s your tip.��

Embarrassment 301:

This morning? When Beaker and I were having a little pre-work naked fun?

Yeah, totally elbowed him in the nose. His eyes cried.

I am smoooooth.