Fuck it. I already wrote my highs and lows on the forum. Here, the unabridged version.
Biggest Low: Mother's Day.
I woke up FAR more depressed than I imagined I would be. Total surprise - I knew I would be sad, but never anticipated that level of gloom and brainmuck. After a day of sleeping and boating and crying, just as I was falling asleep that night, I got a call that my dad's mom, my last remaining grandparent, had died. I think that at that point, I was too exhausted to grieve anymore... Beaker tried to comfort me, and I just said, "It's okay," and fell asleep.
Biggest High: Being named Woman Of The Year. (I don’t know how it happened, either. Maybe those were crack brownies they were serving at the luncheon.)
Now, in no order of importance…
Low: Finding out about my rent increase, and realizing I’ll have to leave the apartment I love so much by June.
High: Traveling to Cleveland to represent my WHOLE STATE in a national public speaking competition. I worked hard, met some awesome women, and made incredible contacts. I conquered my fear of public speaking. Well, almost. Kicked its ass a little. Plus, my speech was way better than the national winner. No one stood up and cheered and pumped their fists in the air after HERS, did they? I think not.
And… Cleveland!
Low: It wasn’t on Mother’s Day, and we weren’t as close, but my grandfather died this year, too.
High: Getting asked to chair my area’s Relay For Life, benefiting the American Cancer Society. Ask me again in 3 months, though, because it might be a low by then. I’m honored, my mom was involved in the event when she was alive, and it’s a great cause, but… It’s a LOT of work.
Low: Something really bad happened to one of my best friends. It’s not my story to tell, so I can’t. I know that’s like saying “I have a secret!” and I normally wouldn’t even bring it up, but I can’t think about the year without thinking about this… thing.
High: Beaker. Beakerbeakerbeaker. He loves me.
Resolutions: I will not start smoking pot, will continue never to do anything half-assed, and will sing more – possibly to Frank Sinatra and Bobby Darin.
An annual resolution since college has been to be more considerate of others. I’m going to revise that a bit this year, the year I’ve come down with more colds than I ever have in my life.
I’m going to take better care of myself in 2004. Not just eating right and working out and stuff – I’m talking about respecting myself enough to plan/think things through, and considering the consequences my actions will have FOR MYSELF. I think I’ve spent too much time just flitting around, only making sure that what I do won’t piss anyone else off, and have woken up mad at me, on behalf of me, more times this year than I’d like.
My sinister plan is that by shifting the focus a little, everyone else well be better taken care of, too.
2003. What a roller coaster, huh?
