TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH...

-If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

-Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.

-If you won't/don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

-Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

-Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

-If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

-Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

-Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

-Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

-Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

-When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

-You have enough clothes.

-You have too many shoes.

-Crying is blackmail.

-Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

-No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries, birthdays and other events you want us to remember on the calendar. That increases the chance we'll remember by 50%.

-Most guys own three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

-Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

-Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

-A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

-Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

-Check your oil.

-It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

-No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

-Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

-If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

-Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

-You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.

-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

-ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

-If it itches, it will be scratched.

-Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

-If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Nice, huh? Here is my temper-fuelled response:

TO THE MAN WHO WROTE THAT PIECE OF SHIT FROM A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH...

-Fuck you.

-You are reinforcing outdated stereotypes the only serve to increase the divide between the sexes and worse, keep women from doing what they choose.

-Did it ever occur to you that women don't give a flying fuck what you, the male population, or anyone else thinks about our appearance? I look good for me.

-You are a bigot. You make generalizations about classes of people based on stupid assumptions. That makes your dumb ass a bigot. Deal with it.

-Be a human being. Some of your complaints are about basic, considerate things human beings do for others on a regular basis. Some people even want to do them. I know it'll be hard to pick your snout up from the mud and shit in the bottom of the pen and join the rest of us who have manners, but try.

-Don't ever tell me, as a member of the group "women everywhere," what to do again. That is, if you like your balls where they are.

-Crying is not blackmail. Sometimes it's an expression of real emotion. Most of the men I know do it more than I do. I know your vapid mind may not be able to grasp anything above naval lint and monster trucks, buy try.

-Oh, and fuck you.

The worst thing about crap like that is that cuts three times.

1. It hurts women, for the reasons I detailed above.

2. It hurts men. No man I know would want to be lumped into a category that would think and put forth ideas like that email does. (I can just hear my boyfriend now, "But I don't even LIKE sports.")

3. It hurts women again. Take me, about 7 years ago. No one told me it's ok to not fall into the typical man / woman stereotypes. I would have looked at that list as a way to be more feminine.

But I was already feminine. I would have just seen it as a list of my failures. (Jamie reading list, age 16: "OK, note to self. Remembering anniversaries important. Shit! I can never do that.")

And I'm sure there are other women out there who were never told that it's allright to just be yourself, that it's not necessary to fulfill close-minded perceptions of what makes a woman. And I can just picture them clicking on this forward, striving to conform, and setting themselves back one hundred years.

Ech.